"You have to live who you weren't to know who you are."

I heard that quote from Jada Pinkett Smith as I watched the latest episode of Red Table Talk.

I'm ninja with my time. I don't spend it scrolling the feeds or getting sucked into the latest cat video on Facebook. I've stopped comparing the "Insta-bodies" to my body. And I no longer fear the unfollow, unfriend, someone may disagree with my perspective so I won't post this feeling.

But this Red Table Talk series sparks my interest. I seem to always stop what I'm doing when a new episode comes out and I watch it. 

That quote got me thinking about this next decade of life. And it got me looking back at the last two decades of my life.

We've all heard the quote

"Don't look back you're not going there."

But I think there is wisdom in the past. I think there is wisdom in "connecting the dots of your life" like my friend Shalini teaches.  Her and I were just on a strategy call yesterday developing her upcoming course and we centered in on this "connecting the dots of your life exercise."

My teens I was a perfectionist. My job was to be perfect as I thought it was the only way I could get the love I desperately craved.

My 20's, a people pleaser. I denied my feelings, wants, wishes, dreams because I wanted to keep the peace.

The beginning of my 30's, ignoring the signs and settling. Loose boundaries and being a doormat. 

You have to live who you weren't to know who you are.

As I'm approaching my 38th birthday, a new decade, these are the stories that I'm not taking with me.

I've only been able to process that in the past year because I've:

1. Learned radical self care.

I don't push myself as long and hard as I used to. I've learned to lighten up! I've learned how to have fun again. I've learned how to set boundaries, SAY NO.

I learned how to look at food as medicine and to move my body the way that brings me joy (which is kicking ass at a boxing studio). I've learned how to delegate and let go of the "if I want it done right, I have to do it myself." I still have days that I'm easily upset, I say yes too much, and I sacrifice my self care because I'm busy, but it's a constant process of improvement and I'm not afraid to take that challenge everyday.

2. Learned to look fear in the face.

I used to be SO SCARED to talk to people, scared of judgement, scared of not being enough, scared of being too much, scared of failing, scared of getting hurt. It held me back from so much joy and opportunity. People judge, not everyone likes you, you'll fail, you'll get hurt. That's LIFE and the human experience. What I've learned is to not get so bothered by everything and that's because I have BIG goals and a BIG mission on this planet.

As a previous mentor Brendon Burchard says,

"People on a path of purpose don't have time for drama."

Whether that's self created in my own head or being throw at me from others. I get to decide how I react. I get to connect the dots, in all my faults, when I've overreacted or not made the best choice (usually when I haven't been doing self care.) I'm seeing how it's all connected.

For 2020, I want you to make your health and happiness a priority and I want you to really think about if that thing that scares you, is real. Or is it a made up scenario, is it something you won't ever recover from if it goes bad?

You're more resilient than you think!

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Have you read my book Women Who Illuminate? In it, I talk about resilience. Pick up a copy from Amazon today!