At first it annoyed me. Maybe that's because I feel like I wouldn't have half the success I do, if it wasn't for my amazing husband. His skills and leadership is needed in our business and at home, and our success is truly a team effort. But then I thought deeper about it. What if it wasn't about outshining men, stepping up where they can't, or... world domination. What if it was about empowering women to play bigger than they ever have before.
Conflict, disagreements, arguments.. those are words that used to make me cringe. The people pleaser in me would get so worried that I'd say the wrong thing, or I'd stay quiet when something upset me, starting an internal war with myself.
Having a focus word for the year grounds me. It’s like a guiding compass for the choices I make each day. Now that’s not to say everyday will be rainbows and sunshine, and I’ll never experience sadness, or conflict, or pain, but when I can't trust my gut, I go to my question. Will this bring me joy? There's 3 difficult things I've had to face already in 2019.
You could say that being an entrepreneur gives you freedom, but it also comes with a shit ton of emotions. Constantly putting yourself out there for criticism and opinions, and if you're doing it right, you're going to take risks and you're going to fail.
As I lay in bed, with my husband snoring beside me, I fought back the tears. "I'm failing as a mom. I'm failing as a business owner, I'm a crappy friend, and I'm totally going to screw up my kid." Then came the waterfall. I was tired. But it wasn't from all of my to-do's. I was tired because my relentless striving for perfection burnt me out.
I didn't want to watch, but through the tears streaming down our faces, my husband and I did. I guess that's what makes a great movie; when you can't look away. But it left me thinking about hopelessness.
We don't want to be added into groups we don't opt in for. We don't want to hear about flashy deals. We don't want to get the "Hey girl..." message from someone we haven't talked to since grade school. We want to be educated, respected, and heard, and we want to decide what our next right move should be.
2018 was good to me, but it was the first year that I focused on gratitude and value. I took away all of the manifesting, and dream boards, and quite frankly, demands of the universe, and replaced them with giving. Giving without any expectation.
It's a week of presents, celebrating, and sometimes gluttony. By the time January 2nd rolls around, I don't want to eat, drink, or open any more gifts. As the years pass, I couldn't help but think, is all this necessary? Is having/wanting more, causing more and more stress?
So there I was, postpartum, post C-section, post traumatic birth, but still doing my thing and in my element on TV. Some people fear the camera. Fear the stage. Fear the live video-- I LOVE IT! I felt GREAT after my segment, so naturally when it aired and then posted online, I watched it. And there it was, that one little comment wrecked me.
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